By Bill A. Gaspard, Life Recovery Coach
Jesus reveals more to the Old Testament concept of murder by adding “I tell you everyone who is angry with his brother is subject to judgment.” Then says, “So, if you are presenting a sacrifice at the altar in the temple and you suddenly remember that someone has something against you leave your sacrifice there and be reconciled to that person.” Matthew 5:21-26
Joseph and his brothers shed some light on how we can reconcile on both sides. It is an amazing story and example of reconciliation between brothers and God. You know the story; Joseph had every reason to hold a grudge against his brothers. After burying his father Jacob, his brothers were afraid for their lives, they thought now Joseph would get his revenge. We pick it up in Genesis 50:15 where the brothers sent this message to Joseph. “Before your father died he instructed us to say to you: please forgive your brothers for the great wrong they did you, for their sin in treating you so cruel. So we the servants of the God of your father beg you to forgive our sin.” In verse 19 Joseph replied, “Don’t be afraid of me. Am I God that I can punish you? You intended to harm me, but God intended it all for good."
They did something right, they planned, they used God’s name and they begged. Begging may sound terrible today, but what the brother’s really meant was that we are your servants and we will do whatever it takes to make it right. Joseph was on the other end of the reconciliation and did the right thing as well. He said who am I to punish you? He said God is judge. Not me. He wasn’t bitter or resentful, he remembered what had happened but realized that it was all used by God for good. This is truly amazing when you think about it, his brothers wanted him dead and instead of killing him they threw him in a well, sold him as a slave and told their father a lie for many many years. I can hold on to a grudge or resentment for weeks even years for all the stuff that happened to me and it took forty years to reconcile with my own mother. Yet Joseph knows what he must do, he has hope and faith in his God.
Christ tells us to be reconciled, before we finish our act of worship. Dr.Jay Adams breaks down reconciliation even more in chapter nine of the Christian Counselors Manual. He writes, “Reconciliation is a change of relationship between God and man; man and man that involves at least three elements.
1) Confession of sin to God and to any others who have been offended.
2) Forgiveness by God and by the one who has been offended.
3) The establishment of a new relationship between the offender and God and the offended party or parties. In reconciliation, enmity and alienation are replaced by peace and fellowship.
Maybe you call it something else, we are talking about making amends and they are crucial to our recovery. So important that Christ says put down your sacrifice now and go be reconciled. I was reading this and hearing this message all the time in my first year of recovery. I was reading a book by Charles Stanley, the local Pastor seemed to be talking about it every week, and in our weekly bible study it seemed to come up just as often. This was serious stuff; this part of obedience was going to take something more than what I had in my toolkit. I needed the Father, the Son and The Holy Spirit in my life. I also needed a Christian Mentor and a 12 step sponsor to make sure I was on the right track. Stephen Arterburn and David Stoop write this about Step 8 in the Life Recovery workbook,
“In our journey through the twelve steps a spiritual awakening forms the purpose of healing our relationships with self, others, and God. To be free of addiction, we must be willing to go to any lengths to achieve this spiritual healing.”
Jesus knew that broken relationships must be mended especially when deep hurts or resentments are involved. If we don’t we will become bitter and will blame for the rest of our lives, this is a weight that must be carried for us, we can’t do it anymore. Remember the prodigal son? What a mess he was. He had no idea that his father was going to forgive him. Jesus knew, and whether or not this was a real story or not Jesus knew that it would be used as a wonderful example for so many different concepts. It is a great example of reconciliation and one of the ways we should attempt reconciliation. In Luke 15:17 it says,
“When he came to his senses, he said to himself, at home even the hired servants have food enough to spare, and I am here. I am dying of hunger! I will go home to my father and say, “Father, I have sinned against both heaven and you, and I am no longer worthy of being called you son. Please take me on as a hired servant.”
Wow! He did so many things right, I had heard this story so many times but it never made sense like this. The big thing is he came to his senses, he obviously had enough, and he had a wake-up call. He practiced his speech; he rehearsed it, which means he was thinking about it within. Within you is the Holy Spirit, rehearse it with Him, this type of practice works great. Some people write a letter and read it out loud. Share it with God first then with someone you trust, ask for guidance and you will know when you are ready to make amends. He admitted his worth, he admitted his brokenness. He also begged just like Joseph’s brothers, he asked to be made a hired servant, willing to do anything to make right what was once wrong. When we review the three elements of reconciliation by Dr. Adams with the stories of the Prodigal Son and Joseph and his brothers, we have a good idea of the process needed to accomplish this major step in our recovery. If you are at this point in your recovery then you are ready for some well needed R&R, (reconciliation and restitution.) Making amends and reconciling your past is no easy journey and many people including me will tell you “Don’t go it alone.” You need a sponsor/mentor, a coach, someone who has traveled this road before you and is an experienced guide. Reconciliation is a great biblical principle that requires obedience of the heart and will offer you freedom.
“Making amends is a powerful way of setting things straight, and it leaves others better equipped to do what you asked: forgive you, there is a price to be paid for freedom and it is called restitution.” -Stephen Arterburn & David Stoops, Life Recovery Workbook
So if reconciliation makes the other person just like us, put them on the same page then restitution is the act of making good or compensating for the loss damage or injury we did. Remember back to the biblical examples, Joseph’s brothers and the Prodigal Son both came to make amends and said we are your servants we are here to do whatever we can to make it right. We are different and we are sorry for the hurt we caused you and God. We have been living our amends, we have changed our ways and now we want to make restitution with you. Dr. Adams concludes his chapter on reconciliation with the idea that this is not a faith issue but an obedience issue with this statement. “This then, is how counselors must address the subject to counselees who balk at granting forgiveness. They must not be misled by ideas of lack of faith, supposed feelings of hypocrisy, etc. Instead, like their Lord, they must knife through the all such excuses and incisively lay bare to the root of the problem: disobedience.” The idea of obedience was so important during this process for me in recovery. The people that I did meet in AA that seemed to be doing very well and working with others had found that reconciliation and restitution were found in steps eight and nine. But, that wasn’t enough for me. I heard this message loud and clear and picked up a book by Charles Stanley that began to “rock my world.”
I had to ask myself the question, “Do I want to obey the Word of God or disobey it?” Also during this time in my life a Pastor out of Albuquerque, NM that was talking and his concept was “Yes is the answer! Now what is the question? I have to say I took this literally, I asked God to lead me, to direct my life and I tried every day to say yes to God and sometimes I did not like the questions. And each time the question was about being reconciled to someone the question would come to me. Will you obey God or disobey? If you are truly ready to make right what was once wrong then I applaud you. Because you are living a changed life today, you are not the person you were. The person you were would not take this step, but the person you are today is strong and is ready to step out of faith into obedience and that my friend, will grow your faith to the next level. Pray about this, write your thoughts, and rehearse your speech, read your letter out loud. Share it with God then with a Christian brother or sister that you trust. God is so proud of you for taking this step.
“Start from the point where you know you can begin to make restitution, and God will open doors for you to achieve what he demands you do – be reconciled to others.” – Dr. Charles Stanley
About the author: Bill A. Gaspard is a Certified Christian Life Coach and Biblical Counselor, dedicated to helping God RECOVER His children through relapse prevention coaching. He is the founder of Christian Recovery Coaching- http://christianrecoverycoaching.com
Recovery Coaching is one of the most effective ways to prevent relapse and get results in your life. A Christian Life Recovery Coach will come along side you to help you find your purpose and passion in life. We partner with our clients to unlock their God given talents and motivate them towards Christian leadership.
For more information on Recovery Coaching call 505-252-1968 or email me at billa.gaspard@live.com
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