Breaking the Wild Pony in Your Mind

"Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of evil behavior.” Ephesians 4:31 NLT

Have you ever seen someone trying to break a wild pony? It’s not a simple task. My father-in-law is an avid horseman. He brought home a new unbroken horse, thinking he could easily train the horse and would be riding it in no time at all. Well, two years later he still hasn’t ridden that dang horse! That’s what training our thought life can be like. It can feel like taking on a task way too big for us, but with the right trainer, we can accomplish even the toughest tasks. The problem is, we think we can do it on our own, when what we really need to do is look to the expert. A few verses earlier in Ephesians Paul says, “Throw off your old sinful nature and former way of life, which is corrupted by lust and deception. Instead let the spirit renew your thoughts and attitudes. Put on your new nature, created to be like God truly righteous and holy.” Ephesians 4:22-24

To throw away old destructive thoughts and renew your thought life is a hard concept to even imagine, let alone do. Grabbing the reigns of our thought life can sometimes feel like grabbing the reigns of a wild pony. The untamed pony needs to be broken of its wild spirit, which requires consistent training by a competent trainer. Our thought life also needs consistent training to break the wild, disobedient sin nature which, if given the chance can take hold and control our minds. God is the ultimate trainer and trains us through His word, His truth. We can fight it like a wild pony if we want to because we have that option, or we can allow the true Horse Whisperer, God, to whisper love and truth into our ears. That sounds like a much more appealing option, doesn’t it? How do we begin to tame the wild pony? We begin with prayer, a daily appointment with our trainer, who will remind us to remain obedient and steadfast in his word. Here are some of the behaviors we need training in:

Bitterness- Comes from an inability to forgive and then letting that hurt turn sour in your heart. This is a heart issue and that’s why it is so important to protect your heart.

“Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life.” Proverbs 4:23

Evil Behavior- Is learned and can become a part of your belief system. If you believe it, it will become part of your behavior.

“Don’t do as the wicked do, and don’t follow the path of evildoers.” Proverbs 4:14

Rage- A loss of control involving aggression or an act of violence. The only way to get this under control is to completely give up control. We must allow God to grab the reins and steer us in the right direction.

“Don’t even think about it; don’t go that way. Turn away and keep moving.” Proverbs 4:14

Anger- This God given emotion is mentioned over 500 times in the bible, second only to the emotion love. Let God train you up in His love through His word. By doing so, it will transform your thoughts and teach you to overcome the angry thought life you once knew and your mind will be renewed and pure.

“Don’t lose sight of them. Let them penetrate deep into your heart, for they bring life to those who find them, and healing to their whole body.” Proverbs 4:21-22

Slander- This is just straight up, bad mouthing others. It has the potential to affect a person’s life for years to come. Once it comes out of our mouth, you can’t take it back. It reminds me of that old saying, “If you have nothing nice to say, don’t say anything at all.”

“Avoid all perverse talk, stay away from corrupt speech.” Proverbs 4:24

Harsh Words- Rough and hurtful words towards someone that can stem from unresolved issues or letting pent up anger turn to sin. It can sting like a whip and leave life-long scars.

“Look straight ahead, and fix your eyes on what lies before you.” Proverbs 4:25


As we bounce back and forth from Ephesians chapter four and Proverbs chapter four we find many great examples of ways in which we can transform our thought life in ways that would be appealing to God. Let’s finish up with Paul’s conclusion to this great chapter with his thoughts on what acceptable behaviors look like.

“Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another just as God through Christ has forgiven you.” Ephesians 4:32

When we are able to forgive others the way Christ forgave us then it allows our heart to be open to give and receive love. We can’t expect our mind and behaviors to change overnight, just like we can’t expect a wild pony to be broken of its bad behavior. It takes time, dedication, and patience, possibly a life time, but a life well worth living.

About the author: Bill A. Gaspard is a Certified Christian Life Coach and Biblical Counselor, dedicated to helping God RECOVER His children through relapse prevention coaching. He is the founder of Christian Recovery Coaching- http://christianrecoverycoaching.com/

Recovery Coaching is one of the most effective ways to prevent relapse and get results in your life. A Christian Life Recovery Coach will come along side you to help you find your purpose and passion in life. We partner with our clients to unlock their God given talents and motivate them towards Christian leadership.

Volunteer 'Your Story'

By Bill A. Gaspard, Life Recovery Coach

“In the time we have it is surely our duty to do all the good we can to all the people we can in all the ways that we can.” William Barclay

 

I remember when I was seventeen in Marine Corps boot camp. The drill instructor would always ask for a couple volunteers whenever he needed something done around the barracks. I think my bunk mate told me once, never volunteer for anything unless you want the really bad jobs. They really didn't want volunteers anyways. They always liked to randomly pick out one specific recruit, and one day they said, "Gaspard, get some scrub brushes and pick two other recruits; you guys get to clean the ‘head’ today." If you don’t know what the ‘head’ is, just think about where all of the waste goes from the bodies of 100 Marine recruits. Fast forward twenty plus years and I am supervising a large staff sitting in a department head meeting and I need someone to volunteer for the next big project. Why does it always take a moment for everyone to look around and see who will take this one? It is because we do not like to volunteer for anything and we hate to be forced, so we all hope that the person who normally volunteers every time will do the same this time. I had the person in mind already for this project and she did of course say, I got this one. But why does is it feel like pulling teeth to get someone to volunteer? I believe it is all about heart. The problem is giving of our time and our time is valuable.

 

“For you were called to live in freedom, my brothers and sisters. But don’t use your freedom to satisfy your sinful nature. Instead, use your freedom to serve one another in love.” Galatians 5:13

Once you are free from the bondage of an addiction and are in recovery there will come a time when you will be asked to serve and there will come a time when you will volunteer out of love. Paul was trying to make this point to the Galatians and urged them to understand that with freedom comes responsibility to serve others. That responsibility may start off as an order or out of guilt but when it comes from the heart you will begin to open a major door in your life. As Christians we have an obligation to one another that goes beyond volunteering. To serve is to love. If you love, service will be the next logical step. If you are not volunteering to serve then you may need a heart check, because it’s possible that you do not love. While in recovery one of the best places to start is in the home with family.

There is an entire chapter in the ‘Big Book of A.A.’ on working with others. The 1st paragraph in this chapter gives us a since of urgency when it comes to serving others. “Practical experience shows that nothing will so much insure immunity from drinking as intensive work with other alcoholics. It works when other activities fail.”

So, how do we do this intensive work? How do we volunteer to serve others in recovery and within the church? If your house is in order and you have enough love for others to give of your time, then you have to get something ready!

YOUR STORY!

Are you ready to tell your story with anyone at any time? God wants you to share your story and by doing so, he will take you on an amazing journey. If you think that you do not know enough about recovery, or that you are not sure how to give back, then you are mistaken. You are an expert! An expert at "your story," and only you can tell it. You have a Masters degree in life. You went to the school of hard knocks. You need three parts to complete your story and you will need a two to three minute version and a more in depth version.

1st Part

What was your life like during your addiction?

2nd Part

What happened? How did you seek recovery? Breaking Point?

3rd Part

What is your life like today? How has God worked in your life?

Work on it; share it with your sponsor or accountability coach. Get it down to a workable version, practice it and get it ready for the road show. God wants you to share what he did in your life so it will help another. You will have many opportunities to volunteer and serve in many areas someday as your heart opens up to the concept of other people. As you learn about your spiritual gifts and the needs of the church, the community, and those in recovery, you will hone your skills, but today we need you to hone your story and get out there. Here are a couple of prayers that may help when you are ready to serve others out of love.

"God, help me write my story; help me get the thoughts to paper then to speech."

"God, let me know when you are ready for me to tell my story, ask Him to open your heart to a person or group of people who are ready to hear it."

"God, please find a suitable place for me to serve within the church that will bring you glory."

"God, open my heart to the concept of love and service."

Thank God for the people who have and who continue to serve us. Our families, our sponsors, our coaches, our pastors and our new friends in recovery.

About the author: Bill A. Gaspard is a Certified Christian Life Coach and Biblical Counselor, dedicated to helping God RECOVER His children through relapse prevention coaching. He is the founder of Christian Recovery Coaching- http://christianrecoverycoaching.com/

Recovery Coaching is one of the most effective ways to prevent relapse and get results in your life. A Christian Life Recovery Coach will come along side you to help you find your purpose and passion in life. We partner with our clients to unlock their God given talents and motivate them towards Christian leadership

Reconciliation & Making Amends

By Bill A. Gaspard, Life Recovery Coach

Jesus reveals more to the Old Testament concept of murder by adding “I tell you everyone who is angry with his brother is subject to judgment.” Then says, “So, if you are presenting a sacrifice at the altar in the temple and you suddenly remember that someone has something against you leave your sacrifice there and be reconciled to that person.” Matthew 5:21-26


Joseph and his brothers shed some light on how we can reconcile on both sides. It is an amazing story and example of reconciliation between brothers and God. You know the story; Joseph had every reason to hold a grudge against his brothers. After burying his father Jacob, his brothers were afraid for their lives, they thought now Joseph would get his revenge. We pick it up in Genesis 50:15 where the brothers sent this message to Joseph. “Before your father died he instructed us to say to you: please forgive your brothers for the great wrong they did you, for their sin in treating you so cruel. So we the servants of the God of your father beg you to forgive our sin.” In verse 19 Joseph replied, “Don’t be afraid of me. Am I God that I can punish you? You intended to harm me, but God intended it all for good."

They did something right, they planned, they used God’s name and they begged. Begging may sound terrible today, but what the brother’s really meant was that we are your servants and we will do whatever it takes to make it right. Joseph was on the other end of the reconciliation and did the right thing as well. He said who am I to punish you? He said God is judge. Not me. He wasn’t bitter or resentful, he remembered what had happened but realized that it was all used by God for good. This is truly amazing when you think about it, his brothers wanted him dead and instead of killing him they threw him in a well, sold him as a slave and told their father a lie for many many years. I can hold on to a grudge or resentment for weeks even years for all the stuff that happened to me and it took forty years to reconcile with my own mother. Yet Joseph knows what he must do, he has hope and faith in his God.

Christ tells us to be reconciled, before we finish our act of worship. Dr.Jay Adams breaks down reconciliation even more in chapter nine of the Christian Counselors Manual. He writes, “Reconciliation is a change of relationship between God and man; man and man that involves at least three elements.

1) Confession of sin to God and to any others who have been offended.

2) Forgiveness by God and by the one who has been offended.

3) The establishment of a new relationship between the offender and God and the offended party or parties. In reconciliation, enmity and alienation are replaced by peace and fellowship.

Maybe you call it something else, we are talking about making amends and they are crucial to our recovery. So important that Christ says put down your sacrifice now and go be reconciled. I was reading this and hearing this message all the time in my first year of recovery. I was reading a book by Charles Stanley, the local Pastor seemed to be talking about it every week, and in our weekly bible study it seemed to come up just as often. This was serious stuff; this part of obedience was going to take something more than what I had in my toolkit. I needed the Father, the Son and The Holy Spirit in my life. I also needed a Christian Mentor and a 12 step sponsor to make sure I was on the right track. Stephen Arterburn and David Stoop write this about Step 8 in the Life Recovery workbook,

“In our journey through the twelve steps a spiritual awakening forms the purpose of healing our relationships with self, others, and God. To be free of addiction, we must be willing to go to any lengths to achieve this spiritual healing.”

Jesus knew that broken relationships must be mended especially when deep hurts or resentments are involved. If we don’t we will become bitter and will blame for the rest of our lives, this is a weight that must be carried for us, we can’t do it anymore. Remember the prodigal son? What a mess he was. He had no idea that his father was going to forgive him. Jesus knew, and whether or not this was a real story or not Jesus knew that it would be used as a wonderful example for so many different concepts. It is a great example of reconciliation and one of the ways we should attempt reconciliation. In Luke 15:17 it says,

“When he came to his senses, he said to himself, at home even the hired servants have food enough to spare, and I am here. I am dying of hunger! I will go home to my father and say, “Father, I have sinned against both heaven and you, and I am no longer worthy of being called you son. Please take me on as a hired servant.”

Wow! He did so many things right, I had heard this story so many times but it never made sense like this. The big thing is he came to his senses, he obviously had enough, and he had a wake-up call. He practiced his speech; he rehearsed it, which means he was thinking about it within. Within you is the Holy Spirit, rehearse it with Him, this type of practice works great. Some people write a letter and read it out loud. Share it with God first then with someone you trust, ask for guidance and you will know when you are ready to make amends. He admitted his worth, he admitted his brokenness. He also begged just like Joseph’s brothers, he asked to be made a hired servant, willing to do anything to make right what was once wrong. When we review the three elements of reconciliation by Dr. Adams with the stories of the Prodigal Son and Joseph and his brothers, we have a good idea of the process needed to accomplish this major step in our recovery. If you are at this point in your recovery then you are ready for some well needed R&R, (reconciliation and restitution.) Making amends and reconciling your past is no easy journey and many people including me will tell you “Don’t go it alone.” You need a sponsor/mentor, a coach, someone who has traveled this road before you and is an experienced guide. Reconciliation is a great biblical principle that requires obedience of the heart and will offer you freedom.


“Making amends is a powerful way of setting things straight, and it leaves others better equipped to do what you asked: forgive you, there is a price to be paid for freedom and it is called restitution.” -Stephen Arterburn & David Stoops, Life Recovery Workbook

So if reconciliation makes the other person just like us, put them on the same page then restitution is the act of making good or compensating for the loss damage or injury we did. Remember back to the biblical examples, Joseph’s brothers and the Prodigal Son both came to make amends and said we are your servants we are here to do whatever we can to make it right. We are different and we are sorry for the hurt we caused you and God. We have been living our amends, we have changed our ways and now we want to make restitution with you. Dr. Adams concludes his chapter on reconciliation with the idea that this is not a faith issue but an obedience issue with this statement. “This then, is how counselors must address the subject to counselees who balk at granting forgiveness. They must not be misled by ideas of lack of faith, supposed feelings of hypocrisy, etc. Instead, like their Lord, they must knife through the all such excuses and incisively lay bare to the root of the problem: disobedience.” The idea of obedience was so important during this process for me in recovery. The people that I did meet in AA that seemed to be doing very well and working with others had found that reconciliation and restitution were found in steps eight and nine. But, that wasn’t enough for me. I heard this message loud and clear and picked up a book by Charles Stanley that began to “rock my world.”

I had to ask myself the question, “Do I want to obey the Word of God or disobey it?” Also during this time in my life a Pastor out of Albuquerque, NM that was talking and his concept was “Yes is the answer! Now what is the question? I have to say I took this literally, I asked God to lead me, to direct my life and I tried every day to say yes to God and sometimes I did not like the questions. And each time the question was about being reconciled to someone the question would come to me. Will you obey God or disobey? If you are truly ready to make right what was once wrong then I applaud you. Because you are living a changed life today, you are not the person you were. The person you were would not take this step, but the person you are today is strong and is ready to step out of faith into obedience and that my friend, will grow your faith to the next level. Pray about this, write your thoughts, and rehearse your speech, read your letter out loud. Share it with God then with a Christian brother or sister that you trust. God is so proud of you for taking this step.

“Start from the point where you know you can begin to make restitution, and God will open doors for you to achieve what he demands you do – be reconciled to others.” – Dr. Charles Stanley


About the author: Bill A. Gaspard is a Certified Christian Life Coach and Biblical Counselor, dedicated to helping God RECOVER His children through relapse prevention coaching. He is the founder of Christian Recovery Coaching- http://christianrecoverycoaching.com


Recovery Coaching is one of the most effective ways to prevent relapse and get results in your life. A Christian Life Recovery Coach will come along side you to help you find your purpose and passion in life. We partner with our clients to unlock their God given talents and motivate them towards Christian leadership.


For more information on Recovery Coaching call 505-252-1968 or email me at billa.gaspard@live.com

Sharing Your Faith

By Bill A. Gaspard, Life Recovery Coach


One evening, Dwight Moody noticed a man leaning against a lamppost and asked him if he was a Christian. The man snorted back, “Mind your own business!” Moody responded, “I’m sorry if I’ve offended you, but this is my business.”

Is sharing your faith your business?

Wilson, J. L. (2009). Fresh Start Devotionals. Fresno, CA: Willow City Press.


Sharing your faith at work is like sharing the weekend’s blockbuster movie. You just have to let someone know about it. Tell them about the graphics or the highlights or the main character. We are the movie that plays out each and every day in the workplace and whether we like it or not people are watching our movie. I happen to manage a very large golf course and most people don’t come to the club to talk about their faith. They want to golf or play tennis and escape from the world for a moment in a little thing called recreation. I also have 150 co-workers who look to me for so many different reasons. I never try to force anyone to watch my movie or hand out the free DVD. Instead I look for an opportunity during everyday discussions to share that story or movie scene with someone. Recently we were talking about football, a topic that comes up just about every week in every office around the workplace. I shared that I was the newest asst. coach for my son’s team which was very exciting for me. Someone asked for what team. I explained for “Upward”, it is a flag football league at our church. On another occasion a co-worker came in and was talking about the possibility of going through a divorce and I said, “that is tough one to try and go alone,” here is a name and number of someone from our church who works with people who are contemplating divorce and they actually have a high success rate of seeing couples stay together.”

These types of situations play out more and more each day, there is not a week that goes by where the conversation of faith comes up. I wake up each morning and as part of my prayer life I ask God to clear the path and open my heart for an opportunity to share my faith, then I ask for the wisdom and discernment to know the right time and when the right time to change the channel off the topic of faith. I have found that if my ‘movie’ is a good movie people will want to watch, they will be interested in the main parts of my life and they will ask more questions of me which then will open the door to share my faith.

Who is watching your ‘movie’?

Have you missed an opportunity recently to share your faith?

What will your ‘movie’ look like today?


“I thank my God always, remembering you on the occasions of my seasons of prayer, hearing constantly of your love and faith, your faith which you have in the Lord Jesus and the divine and self-sacrificial love which you show towards all the saints, remembering you in my prayer-times, praying that the contribution of your faith, which faith you share in common with other believers, may [through the resultant love which you have for all the saints] become effective in the sphere of a full and perfect experiential knowledge of every good thing in us with a view to [the glory of] Christ.”

Wuest, K. S. (1997). The New Testament : An expanded translation (Phm 4–6). Grand Rapids, MI: Eerdmans.




About the author: Bill A. Gaspard is a Certified Christian Life Coach and Biblical Counselor, dedicated to helping God RECOVER His children through relapse prevention coaching. He is the founder of Christian Recovery Coaching- http://christianrecoverycoaching.com/

Recovery Coaching is one of the most effective ways to prevent relapse and get results in your life. A Christian Life Recovery Coach will come along side you to help you find your purpose and passion in life. We partner with our clients to unlock their God given talents and motivate them towards Christian leadership.