By: Bill A. Gaspard, Life Recovery Coach
The recovery process will be as healthy as the health of our accountability partners, so surround yourself with healthy coaches and you will become healthy. Let the Word of God also be your accountability partner. Let David’s stories and the Psalms be a testimony of God’s love even when you don’t deserve it. How his repentant heart changed him and how he talked with God are great examples of how we should communicate. Let Solomon be one of your recovery coaches. Let the relationship between Paul and Timothy inspire you. They are a great example of coming alongside someone through faith, trust, and perseverance through good and bad times. This kind of partnership takes two people on a journey, and if God is the third strand it will be very difficult to break this bond.
“A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer. Three are even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken.” (Ecclesiastes 4:12)
Timothy was an up-and-comer and Paul was his coach, and together they helped each other and encouraged each other throughout their journey together. If you have worked with another brother or sister in Christ, then you know what I’m talking about. We set out to coach someone and find ourselves being coached. Timothy didn’t only hang out with Paul during the good times; he stayed by his coach’s side during the beatings, the torture, and the imprisonment. This bond of accountability created a lifelong friendship and left a great example for us. Ask God for a Paul in your life, and when you are ready to coach ask God for a Timothy in your life. We need both in our life to grow.
“The effective mentor strives to help a man or woman discover what they can be in Christ and then holds them accountable to become that person.” —Howard Hendricks
We will never make the progress needed without accountability partners. Going it alone is risky. Get a recovery coach, get a mentor, and find an accountability partner. I have had very few people in my life that I have allowed to do this, but I have gotten better at it. When I first got sober I tried to do it on my own, then I had an old-timer with almost thirty years of sobriety help get me through my inventory and fifth step. I had another guy help me with my amends. I had someone else from my small group mentor me for a little while. And of course the small group itself is designed for this concept as well. When you share your junk with other people and then share your praises, something starts to happen. You start to TRUST other human beings.
If you don’t have someone in your life that you allow to hold you accountable, I encourage you to get one. I have a couple of helpful questions you can ask yourself, and then allow God to show you the truth:
1. What do I need to work on in my life?
2. Is there anyone I respect enough to ask to be my accountability coach?
3. Is there anything holding me back from starting an accountability relationship today?
God, give me the wisdom to know what I need to be held accountable for in my life, and give me the courage to invite _____________ into my life to come alongside of me and hold me accountable to Your standards.
John C. Maxwell is without a doubt one of the best in the world at leadership, and if you are thinking about having an accountability partner or recovery coach someday, I highly recommend you start reading his books. If you have found someone to mentor you, I recommend you use the following guidelines for mentoring relationships. They come from Maxwell’s book Developing the Leaders Around You.
Ask the right questions. Give thought to questions you will ask before you meet with your mentor. Make them strategic for your own growth.
Clarify your level of expectations. Generally, the goal of mentoring is improvement, not perfection. Perhaps only a few people can be truly excellent – but all of us can become better.
Accept a subordinate, learning position. Don’t let ego get in the way of learning. Trying to impress the mentor with your knowledge or ability will set up a mental barrier between you. It will prevent you from receiving what he is giving.
Respect the mentor but don’t idolize him or her. Respect allows us to accept what the mentor is teaching. But making the mentor an idol removes the ability to be objective and critical – faculties we need for adapting a mentor’s knowledge and experience to ourselves.
Immediately put into effect what you are learning. In the best mentoring relationships, what is learned comes quickly into focus. Learn, practice, and assimilate.
Be disciplined in relating to the mentor. Arrange for ample and consistent time, select the subject matter in advance, and do your homework to make the sessions profitable.
Reward your mentor with your own progress. If you show appreciation but make no progress, the mentor experience[s?] failure. Your progress is the highest reward. Strive for growth, and then communicate your progress.
Don’t threaten to give up. Let your mentor know you have made a decision for progress and that you are a persistent person – a determined person – a determined winner. Then he or she will know that they are not wasting their time.
“There is no substitute for your own personal growth. If you are not receiving and growing, you will not be able to give to the people you nurture and develop.”—John C. Maxwell
About the author: Bill A. Gaspard is a Certified Christian Life Coach and Biblical Counselor, dedicated to helping God RECOVER His children through relapse prevention coaching. He is the Founder of Christian Recovery Coaching- http://christianrecoverycoaching.com
The recovery process will be as healthy as the health of our accountability partners, so surround yourself with healthy coaches and you will become healthy. Let the Word of God also be your accountability partner. Let David’s stories and the Psalms be a testimony of God’s love even when you don’t deserve it. How his repentant heart changed him and how he talked with God are great examples of how we should communicate. Let Solomon be one of your recovery coaches. Let the relationship between Paul and Timothy inspire you. They are a great example of coming alongside someone through faith, trust, and perseverance through good and bad times. This kind of partnership takes two people on a journey, and if God is the third strand it will be very difficult to break this bond.
“A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer. Three are even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken.” (Ecclesiastes 4:12)
Timothy was an up-and-comer and Paul was his coach, and together they helped each other and encouraged each other throughout their journey together. If you have worked with another brother or sister in Christ, then you know what I’m talking about. We set out to coach someone and find ourselves being coached. Timothy didn’t only hang out with Paul during the good times; he stayed by his coach’s side during the beatings, the torture, and the imprisonment. This bond of accountability created a lifelong friendship and left a great example for us. Ask God for a Paul in your life, and when you are ready to coach ask God for a Timothy in your life. We need both in our life to grow.
“The effective mentor strives to help a man or woman discover what they can be in Christ and then holds them accountable to become that person.” —Howard Hendricks
We will never make the progress needed without accountability partners. Going it alone is risky. Get a recovery coach, get a mentor, and find an accountability partner. I have had very few people in my life that I have allowed to do this, but I have gotten better at it. When I first got sober I tried to do it on my own, then I had an old-timer with almost thirty years of sobriety help get me through my inventory and fifth step. I had another guy help me with my amends. I had someone else from my small group mentor me for a little while. And of course the small group itself is designed for this concept as well. When you share your junk with other people and then share your praises, something starts to happen. You start to TRUST other human beings.
If you don’t have someone in your life that you allow to hold you accountable, I encourage you to get one. I have a couple of helpful questions you can ask yourself, and then allow God to show you the truth:
1. What do I need to work on in my life?
2. Is there anyone I respect enough to ask to be my accountability coach?
3. Is there anything holding me back from starting an accountability relationship today?
God, give me the wisdom to know what I need to be held accountable for in my life, and give me the courage to invite _____________ into my life to come alongside of me and hold me accountable to Your standards.
John C. Maxwell is without a doubt one of the best in the world at leadership, and if you are thinking about having an accountability partner or recovery coach someday, I highly recommend you start reading his books. If you have found someone to mentor you, I recommend you use the following guidelines for mentoring relationships. They come from Maxwell’s book Developing the Leaders Around You.
Ask the right questions. Give thought to questions you will ask before you meet with your mentor. Make them strategic for your own growth.
Clarify your level of expectations. Generally, the goal of mentoring is improvement, not perfection. Perhaps only a few people can be truly excellent – but all of us can become better.
Accept a subordinate, learning position. Don’t let ego get in the way of learning. Trying to impress the mentor with your knowledge or ability will set up a mental barrier between you. It will prevent you from receiving what he is giving.
Respect the mentor but don’t idolize him or her. Respect allows us to accept what the mentor is teaching. But making the mentor an idol removes the ability to be objective and critical – faculties we need for adapting a mentor’s knowledge and experience to ourselves.
Immediately put into effect what you are learning. In the best mentoring relationships, what is learned comes quickly into focus. Learn, practice, and assimilate.
Be disciplined in relating to the mentor. Arrange for ample and consistent time, select the subject matter in advance, and do your homework to make the sessions profitable.
Reward your mentor with your own progress. If you show appreciation but make no progress, the mentor experience[s?] failure. Your progress is the highest reward. Strive for growth, and then communicate your progress.
Don’t threaten to give up. Let your mentor know you have made a decision for progress and that you are a persistent person – a determined person – a determined winner. Then he or she will know that they are not wasting their time.
“There is no substitute for your own personal growth. If you are not receiving and growing, you will not be able to give to the people you nurture and develop.”—John C. Maxwell
About the author: Bill A. Gaspard is a Certified Christian Life Coach and Biblical Counselor, dedicated to helping God RECOVER His children through relapse prevention coaching. He is the Founder of Christian Recovery Coaching- http://christianrecoverycoaching.com
